The Devil Made Me Do It
by obsidians
Summary: When Kodachi resorts to praying for Ranma, an evil deity answers her...or it is? Funny at least I like to think so one shot


I don't own Ranma, this is just a photocopy I made of him

Don't know why, I'm just getting a kick out of writing one shots for some reason. Enjoy.

Sid

"Please any gods who happen to be listening, all I want is for Ranma to be my husband" Kodachi begging into the room filled with different types of religious deities. Even she had sensed of Ranma's growing attachment to Akane and had resorted to praying.

She didn't understand his almost aversion to her, after all she'd tried everything to win his hand. She'd tried to use her money to trap him, her talent for cooking, paraded her perfect body and stunning features before him many times and had even resorted to using paralysis powder and nothing seemed to work! All he ever did was look past her at the somewhat plain tomboy with zero talent for cooking and a temper and streak of violence that would more suit a Mongolian warrior than a middle school girl!

She glanced at each deity in turn. Some religions she'd never heard of when she assigned the task of collecting them to a stunned, but suddenly monetary rich theology professor. She was down on her knees catholic-style and hoped that it wouldn't offend the others for her to pray this way. All she wanted was for one to hear her pleas and grant her her wish; rather like fairies and genies did in folklore. Not that she was practically religious; she was technically a shintoist, but didn't really pay that much attention to it. However, desperate times required desperate measures and she was getting really desperate!

She glanced around at the assembled silent idols and wondered if a sacrifice would be required to get the more demanding ones kick started.

Just then a deep voice spoke up "what are you willing to do to obtain this Ranma as your husband?"

Kodachi looked wildly around, but could discern no change in any of them. "Who's there!" she demanded.

"It is I, Lord of Flies, Father of Lies, Old Scratch, Beelzebub, Lucifer The Fallen; take your pick of names. I answer to all of them, but am most commonly known as Satan" the disembodied replied.

"Satan, but why would you answer my call? Its not like I'm catholic or anything" Kodachi said with a frown.

"Because of all those useless gods you assembled, I am in a position to help you" he replied with irritation in his voice.

Kodachi hesitated, "would I have to sacrifice a chicken or sign away my soul in blood or something?" she asked in a nervous voice.

"A chicken, what would the great and powerful Satan want with a chicken? I'm not Cornel Sanders or a Haitian god!" he thundered.

Kodachi licked her lips nervously, "sorry I didn't mean to offend you...My Lord" she said. "So it's my soul that you want then?"

"As ruler of the underworld I have many souls and really don't need another. No you must serve me on earth and make a personal sacrifice" he replied.

"W-what my brother?" she asked, wondering if getting Mr. Scalely Green to eat him would count as a sacrifice.

"Tempting, but he's too stupid to be of any interest to me. No it must be personally from you, what I want is your freedom" the voice thundered.

"I'm to apply to become a Playboy Bunny and live at the mansion?" she asked, as this was all she could think of at the moment. She frowned when it sounded like Satan had muffled a laugh.

"Of course not you stupid girl, the Bunnies already have their own evil overlord. It's much closer to home. You must apply to work for free at the Nekohanten as a waitress for at least five nights a week after school. You are to beg Cologne for the chance to serve her" Satan said.

"You know Cologne?" she asked in surprise.

""She is well known to me" Satan assured her.

"Damn, that bitch gets everywhere" Kodachi said under her breath.

"What was that?" enquired Satan in a silky voice.

"Nothing, I guess I could do that" she hastily added. "Chinese clothes appear to be modest enough for a lady" Kodachi mused.

"You won't be wearing those. What I have in mind for you is a French maid costume with a short, ruffled skirt that will show your stocking tops and a plunging neckline" he said.

"I don't think I could wear _that_!" Kodachi said blushing at the idea.

"Yet you traipse around in a skimpy leotard that barely covers your butt. Do you even wear underwear under that thing?" Satan purred.

Of course I do, I'm a lady!" she snarled.

"Right" Satan said sarcastically.

"I really don't see the point of serving her. How's that going to help me get Ranma?" she said as her temper flared.

"Don't you ever question my judgment, girl! You are to do as I say or you shall never have him, I'll personally see to that! Now get thy narrow butt over to the Nekohanten and humbly beg Cologne for the job. If you faithfully serve there for six months, I shall grant you your wish" Satan thundered.

"Oh thank you! Of course my lord, I'll go right now" Kodachi promised.

"Good and make sure that you give her great-granddaughter all of your tips. You must accept nothing in return for this trial I have set before you. Don't you dare disappoint me!" Satan snarled.

"Of course not, I'll be the best waitress they've ever had" Kodachi cried as she fled from her mansion in the direction the Nekohanten. She wasn't there when "Satan" burst into laughter...that was joined by other's.

**The Nekohanten**

Cologne switched off the voice modulator on the loud speaker that she'd installed in Kodachi's room. "Looks like we're getting a new waitress" she said to Shampoo and Mousse, they were both still laughing.

"Great-Grandmother, you can be such asshole sometimes" Shampoo said with her eyes sparkling.

"I can't believe she fell for that!" Mousse giggled, wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes.

"It's a win win situation for all three of us when you think about it: you'll both get more time off with her working here, Shampoo will get twice the tip amount, we'll draw _tons _of young men wanting to be served by Kodachi and we finally found a use for that gaudy costume Mousse bought Shampoo for last Halloween. Besides this way she'll be too busy to interfere with Ranma" Cologne observed as she held up the costume in question.

"I did NOT know it was going to be so skimpy when I ordered it online" Mousse protested.

"I could never wear it, the skirt barely covers the ruffled panties" Shampoo said looking at him with a frown. Mousse just blushed and looked sheepish.

"Well now we found someone who will" Cologne said leaping lightly from her stool when there was a hammering on their door. She pogoed over to it and opened it. Kodachi was on her knees at their apartment door, Shampoo and Mousse could only goggle at her over the diminutive Cologne's head.

"Please Mistress Cologne. I'm begging you to give me a job as waitress to your fine establishment, I'll do anything you say and you don't have to worry about paying me" she plead, prostrating herself on the ground before Cologne. From her position, she didn't see Shampoo and Cologne trade an amused expression, nor see Mousse slap his hand over his mouth to stifle his giggles.

Cologne assumed an air of gravity and drew her twitching mouth into a solemn expression. Waving the amused teenagers away, she said "Ah Kodachi, rise before your new Mistress. Satan told me to expect you" she replied, holding up the garment.

Kodachi looked up and her eyes popped out at how little there was to her new uniform.


End file.
